What Once Was Lost
by topsypervy
Summary: Brielle Trevelyan and Cullen have a shared past, having grown up together in the Chantry. When they are unexpectedly reunited, their relationship changes.
1. Chapter 1

Brielle feels utterly lost, everyone she knew is now gone. Her brothers were lost in the Blight years earlier, her parents taken by plague when she was just a child and now the only family she had left, the Templars she marched with to the Conclave, were all killed. Three days after falling from the rift she finds herself detained and trudging along behind Seeker Pentaghast, her companion Solas and fellow prisoner Varric. It's hard to read the Seeker, at first she seems wary of Brielle, but her complicity and helpfulness during the small skirmishes they began encountering along the way buys her a bit of trust and the woman quickly warms to her; and she is grateful for it. It's hard for Brielle to keep from crying when they explain to her what happened at the Conclave and even harder to be assumed a threat and held at arm's length when what she needs most is comforting. It's all too much, too fast, as if her world is crumbling beneath her and she

is falling into the abyss with nothing to cling to and nobody on her side. Meanwhile, the threat of a trial looms over her as they crunch through the snow on their way to meet up with the soldiers, each step bringing her closer to who knows what. They would let her go, they have to... don't they? They aren't beyond reason, she was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, or perhaps in hindsight, the right place.

Upon reaching a group of soldiers she begins searching for any familiar faces in the crowd, hoping that someone else had survived and that she isn't completely alone in this turbulent world. Her heart sinks when she doesn't recognize any of the men as her comrades and turns back to the small group she's traveling with. She feels comforted by the presence of the quick witted dwarf and thoughtful elf, each seeming to emit a kind of warmth that feels like a balm to her aching heart and helps her to keep it together for the time being. They decide amongst themselves to travel to Haven with the soldiers once the rifts have been closed and she sighs, preparing herself for the worst upon their arrival but still hoping for the best. Though, she isn't really sure what the best outcome of this situation could be; even if they release her, she has no home to return to other than an empty estate she'd inherited. Hopelessness begins to settle into her like

a cold stone in her gut, making each step feel like one closer to her own demise.

While they walk to meet up with the army her new companions explain to her the situation at hand and why she is needed in Haven, and though she's glad to understand more of what is happening, learning the current state of affairs doesn't exactly relieve her anxiety. Thedas had plunged into turmoil, warring factions on each side with the Inquisition in the middle of it all, and now she was to be a part of it. As they join the army Brielle starts searching the faces in the crowd once again, looking for anyone she recognized or bearing the Templar insignia. Then someone catches her eye and she nearly stops in her tracks. His back is to her but there's something oddly familiar about the way he carries himself, and his thick blonde curls. Can it be him? No… it can't be…

Her thoughts are interrupted when Cassandra calls out next to her, "Commander!" She leads the group through the throng of soldiers to reach the man Brielle was examining from afar. "We will be marching with your men back to Haven."

He turns at hearing Cassandra's voice and his eyes immediately lock on Brielle's. They eye each other incredulously for a moment, as if unsure the other was real, but his eyes soon soften in recognition and she is sure it's him after all. "Commander, this is…" Cassandra begins before being cut off by a thoroughly relieved Brielle rushing into the Commander's arms.

"Cullen!" She exclaims, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling herself tight to him. He receives her warmly, lifting her from the ground slightly and hugging her close. He sets her down gently and looks down at her with a soft smile, mussing her hair with a gloved hand. "Brie, Maker's breath." He says softly, cupping her cheek, "It's been so long I wasn't sure it was you, all grown up."

She smiles back at him, tears she struggles to hold back stinging at her eyes at the relief of finding an old friend. "Thank the Maker you're here." She manages to get out through the giant lump in her throat, then gives him a shove at the shoulder, "I worried, you know. When the Circle fell and your letters stopped coming." She gives him the most annoyed look she can muster in her happiness at finding him again before giving into a quiet giggle of joy.

She doesn't notice the confused look on her companions' faces until Cassandra interrupts them tentatively, "I don't mean to cut short this reunion," her voice pulls them back to the moment and they each take a step back from one another, "but we really must get back to Haven."

Cullen nods at that and squeezes Brielle's shoulder, "I'll catch up with you when we get there." He says as he turns to walk away, leaving her with a familiar smirk and shake of his head.

The relief of not being totally alone washes over her in calming waves as they join the soldiers and start the long march back to Haven, her mind straying to memories of her friend that she hadn't seen in so many years, already missing the familiar feel of his arms around her.

"That was quite an interesting exchange," Cassandra's voice pulling her from her reverie. "Do you mind if I ask how you know our commander?" She probes, sounding genuinely curious.

"I don't mind," Brielle replies with a smile, "I lost my family when I was very young and was sent to the Chantry. Cullen was already there, he sorta took me under his wing, I think I reminded him of his little sisters he hadn't seen in a while." Brielle continues at the Seeker's raised brow, assuming she hasn't quite satisfied the woman's curiosity. "Last time I saw him was when he left for the Circle in Ferelden, we wrote letters for a few years but when the Circle fell they stopped coming. Really I'm surprised he recognized me, last time I saw him I was just twelve."

Varric chuckles and smiles mischievously at Brielle. "So you and Curly go way back, huh? Got any good stories?" He asks, nudging her side with his elbow playfully.

She laughs at that, "As much as I hate to disappoint, probably not the kind you're looking for. I know he knew the Hero of Ferelden when he as at the Circle, sounded like they may have had something going there. Other than that, I don't know much about Cullen and his eh… exploits. I'm afraid I was too young to really pay attention. Though, I'm sure he has plenty about me as a bratty child."

"Awww you're no fun." He sighs and waves her off with a grin.

Brielle chuckles and shakes her head, "Yeah… I know. Although, if you have any stories, I would love to hear them. Seeing as I haven't spoken to him in about eight years you probably know more than I do now." She looks down at the handsome dwarf, mirth gleaming in her eyes. "Please, Varric, tell me of Ser Cullen."

Cullen returns to his soldiers and they begin the hike back to their home, his feelings a mix of excitement at seeing Brielle again and also bewilderment at what he actually saw. He had left behind a girl, and though he knew she would mature in the time they had been apart, it hadn't been at the forefront of his mind, and he hadn't been prepared for the woman who just stood before him. The Brielle he remembered was a timid child who would perch at his feet in the chantry library, eyes bright with curiosity as he read her tales of Templars and Wardens and heroes of Ferelden. They had both been sent to the chantry at young ages, he at thirteen by his own insistence and she at six due to the loss of her family. When she arrived, Cullen had already been there for over a year and had been missing his siblings a great deal; when he was asked to show her around and get her acquainted with her new home, they bonded instantly.

His understanding of her situation and kindness toward her made her feel safe in a world of uncertainty and soon she was trailing him like a lost mabari pup. Cullen didn't mind though, he felt protective over her as if she were his own sister. But the Brielle who just marched down the path ahead of him wasn't a lanky, knock-kneed tomboy with wild hair and dirt perpetually smeared across her face, and she wasn't someone he would think of as a sister either. She'd grown tall and lithe, straight ebony hair falling in a smooth cascade down her back, with warm honey brown eyes framed by sharply arching brows and long thick lashes; her slightly upturned nose and sweetly curving lips giving her an impish, mischievous look. He finds her captivating, and if there's one thing he knows, it's that this fact will make it even more difficult to explain to her why they hadn't spoken in nearly ten years.


	2. Chapter 2

Unfortunately, Varric had limited experience with Cullen in Kirkwall so she receives the same basic information from him that she'd heard from his sister Mia when she finally tracked him down years before. He was never good at keeping touch, with anyone, so she couldn't take it too personally that he'd stopped writing her. Besides, at the time she was still a child and he was a grown man going through a rough time, she wasn't the person for him to talk to at that point. She tries to question Cassandra who seems to have a more personal relationship with him, but she refuses, finding it more appropriate that she ask him directly. But that's the problem, since they had arrived at Haven weeks earlier, she hadn't had much free time to talk to him and when she did he was in meetings or training recruits. Brielle can't help wishing he would set aside some time for her, it had been so long since she's seen him and she badly needs to regain that personal connection before she forgets herself and gets lost in being the Herald. Though she can't be that selfish, how can she ask him to take time off when everyone's lives are at risk?

She tries to catch him after the morning war meeting but he's immediately summoned by a messenger and goes off to attend to whatever problem they've presented. Brielle decides she'll just go to his quarters and wait for him in the evening; he has to sleep sometime.

It's already dark when she heads over to Cullen's room. She wears a simple fitted dress and cloth slippers and pulls her long hair back into a neat braid, she wants to look like herself instead of the façade she tries to wear as the Herald. For some reason, she fells slightly anxious as she approaches his door, but based on the lack of light coming from beneath it she knows he isn't there yet. Brielle knocks on the door anyway and upon hearing no answer, she enters. The light from the candle she carries illuminates the small space and she is unsurprised by what she finds. Cullen was always very salt of the earth, bare necessities kind of man, so it is fitting that his room is a sparsely furnished alcove in a worn down wing of the keep. Against one wall is a small bed with a wooden table at its side holding a candle and a half empty bottle of wine, across from the bed sits a simple desk littered with notes on strategy and reports from scouts in the Hinterlands. She lights the candle on his end table and sets down the sack of snacks and wine she brought with her. Unsure of how long she would be waiting, she grabs a dusty book from his desk and makes herself comfortable; pouring herself a glass of wine she sits cross legged on his bed and begins to read.

Nearly an hour passes and she helps herself to another glass of wine and props his pillows up behind her against the wall. She leans into them and sighs; maybe this wasn't a good idea after all. Who knows when he would go to bed, or if he would at all? She suddenly fells foolish when she thinks that maybe he is seeing someone and is staying in their room. Of course he probably has a woman in his life, why wouldn't he? Besides having scant time there's nothing making him unavailable and if anyone deserves love it's Cullen. Brielle ignores the twinge the thought gives her stomach and downs her wine, returning the book she is reading and snuggling into one of his blankets. She can smell him on the linens of his bed and inhales his scent deeply; it is intoxicating and familiar even after so many years, he smells like myrrh and sweat, leather and soil, warm and slightly musky like a summer night. She fells comforted by being in his space, even if he

isn't there it makes her feel closer to him to be near his belongings, and it wasn't the first time she'd snuck into his room either, so it almost feels like old times.

She feels herself getting sleepy and yawns as she pours yet another glass of wine and looks around for something more interesting to occupy herself with. Finding nothing, she returns to the book, wishing it was a more interesting subject as battle formations and military strategy aren't exactly her favorite genre for late night reading.

Cullen stops outside the door of his room, immediately on guard when he sees candlelight coming from inside. He opens the door slowly, quietly, hoping to catch the intruder off guard. Instead, he finds Brielle, sprawled across his bed, limbs tangled in his blanket and fast asleep. He has to stifle a laugh as he gazes down on her sleeping form, he's found in a similar fashion many times before when they were at the Chantry together; she'd sneak into his room during storms when she got scared and he'd wake up to her curled in a blanket on the floor next to his bed. He's always found it endearing that she would come to him to protect her, and he probably would have let her stay if he wouldn't have been grilled for it. But finding her here now, in his bed, stirs a different feeling altogether. He can't help letting his eyes take her in; she looks so angelic, lashes softly caressing her cheeks as she dreams, the slow rise and fall of her breasts with each breath, full lips slightly parted and beckoning to him. For a moment he allows himself to imagine what it would be like to kiss her, wondering if she would embrace him or if she would push him away in disgust. He had been like a brother to her, after all, but he can't stop himself from thinking of her differently since they'd reunited.

He banishes the thoughts from his mind, this is the reason he's been avoiding her for weeks, he has to stop thinking about how lovely she's become so he can be a proper friend to her again. Cullen reaches down and gently brushes the back of his fingers across his cheek to wake her, when she doesn't stir he sighs, removing his armor and scooping her up into his arms. He cradles her sleeping body against his chest and places a soft kiss to her head as he makes his way down the hall to her room. As he shifts forward to open her door she begins to wake and instantly clings to him, causing his breath to hitch at her hands gripping his shoulders. He tightens his hold on her slightly to reassure her that he has her.

"It's okay Brie." He says softly as she looks up at him sleepily. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, if I'd known you were coming by…"

"Shh Cullen." Brie replies with a yawn as he sets her back on her feet. "You're just always so busy, and I'm leaving to the Storm Coast in a few days. I wanted to see you, catch up a bit. You're all I've got now, you know."

Cullen looks down and sighs, feeling guilty. "Forgive me, Brie. I should have been there for you, I'm so sorry. I just… wasn't in a good place; I didn't want you to see me that way. I hope I can make it up to you somehow."

Brie wraps her arms around him tightly and closes her eyes as she lays her head against his chest. "All that matters is that you're here now, with me." Cullen snakes his arms around her, enveloping her in his embrace and rests his cheek against her head. It has been a long time since he's had this kind of contact with someone and it feels good just to be held in each other's arms.

After a moment they part and smile a little sheepishly at one another. "Thanks," Brie says as she pushes up onto her toes and gives him a peck on the tip of his nose, "I really needed that."

Cullen blushes and rubs at the back of his neck, "Yeah, me too. You know, I never thought I'd be carrying you back to your own bed again," he chuckles softly, "But actually… it was really nice." He smiles and returns to the door. "I've missed you."

"So have I. More than you know." Brielle tells him as she climbs into bed. As he closes the door she burrows into her blankets, happy to have been with him if only for a few moments. She will be back in Haven soon and she will see him again and just the thought of it makes her feel warm and fuzzy all over.


	3. Chapter 3

It's a few weeks before Brielle returns to Haven with Bull and the Chargers and she can't wait to relax and catch up with Cullen. Before they even enter the gate she finds him with his soldiers training in the field, rides up to him and dismounts.

"Ser Cullen!" she calls to him, her voice muffled by her helmet. She continues for a few moments as she approaches him before Cullen starts laughing and knocks on her helmet, unable to understand what she is saying. She pulls it off and laughs, blushing. "Sorry heh… I said do you want to get some drinks with me later when you're free?"

"Sounds good, we'll be done here in about another hour. Meet me in my office when you're ready?" He smiles as he looks her over, he hasn't seen her in full armor before and she looks quite impressive for such a petite woman. He hasn't seen her in action either and he is curious to see how much she'd learned in her Templar training.

Brielle notices him looking over her armor and she cocks her head to the side. "What?" she asks suspiciously.

He chuckles and shakes his head as if to dismiss her question, "Nothing, it's just odd seeing you like this. Not a little girl anymore."

"Yeah… well, you're a lot less scrawny than I remember too." She retorts jokingly. And handsome, she thinks, has he always been so handsome? She remembers the older girls from the Chantry having crushes on him, but that was during her 'boys are gross' phase and he was like family to her so maybe she just hadn't noticed. "I'm going to change and get cleaned up. You should change too; I haven't seen you out of this armor since I've been here!"

She remounts her horse and heads to her room to bathe and change out of her armor; she's been in it for days and now feels as if it was a part of her, and not in a good way. She sighs in relief as she removes each piece of heavy plate and sets them in the corner before sloughing off her under padding and starting a bath. The warmth of the water seeps into her muscles and she instantly feels better as she scrubs the dirt and dried blood from her skin. Once her hair and body are clean she gets out, slathering herself in a healing balm scented with jasmine, easing the pain of the many bruises she'd acquired while on the road and also making her smell wonderfully feminine. She pulls on a simple tunic and leggings and heads over to Cullen's office.

She finds him at his desk writing a report and is pleased to see that he had changed out of his armor and into casual linen pants and a shirt, she likes this look. "Are you ready?" She asks, her voice startling him.

"Oh! Yes… I was just finishing up some things." He replies, setting down what he is working on and moving around the desk to join her and extending his arm.

Brielle links her arm in his with a grin and they head to the tavern. When Cullen and Brielle enter the bar it is nearly empty and she takes a seat near the hearth where it was warmest while he grabs them drinks from the bar.

Cullen takes a seat next to her when he returns from the bar and hands her a tankard of ale. "Thank you! You know, I never thought I'd get used to the taste of ale, but it sure is a saving grace on nights like this." She smiles at him over the rim of her cup as she takes a drink and then levels an intense gaze at him. "Now, Cullen… I know you've been dreading this but… you have to tell me everything that's happened while we've been apart." She lets out a snort as he rolls his eyes and empties his cup of ale before giving her a smirk and beginning to catch her up on the last eight years.

She listens as he tells her the events at the Ferelden Circle and Kirkwall. It is so good just to hear his voice, to have his eyes looking back into hers with affection and familiarity instead of the reverence or, alternately, disdain she receives from others. Brielle takes in his features as he speaks, the way the firelight flickers in his golden eyes, how he scrunches up his nose when talking about something that make him angry and especially the scar that tears upwards across his lip. Although she feels terrible for admiring his physicality while he is telling her of his hard times, she has to admit, if only to herself, that he is magnificent. He has definitely grown since she's last seen him; after all, he was only eighteen. Now he is taller and broad, heavily muscled yet trim. She can't help noticing the flexing of his muscles beneath his shirt as he moves or how strong his thighs look through the thin linen of his pants.

She starts to feel warm and finishes off her ale, excusing herself to go get them another drink. At the bar she pulls at her collar, trying to cool herself and also clear her mind of these thoughts of her friend. Anxiously sipping her ale as she returns to Cullen she sets the drinks down in front of them, and as she returns to her seat she is surprised when he reaches over and takes her hands in his.

"Brie, I hope… I hope you can forgive me. For not being there… for the things I've done, who I've become."

His pained expression he wears makes her heart ache; the things he'd experienced in the past ten years had been traumatic and clearly burdened him greatly. She squeezes his hands in return and places a chaste kiss on his knuckles. "Cullen, there is nothing to forgive. I only wish that I could have been there for you. All we have is now, and now we are together again." Brie pulls him into an embrace, her hands unwittingly stroking his back comfortingly as she rests her chin on his shoulder.

"I know your heart Cullen, you're a good man. The best of them." She pulls back and gives him a gentle smile, "I've always loved you regardless of what you've done, and nothing will ever change that. Even disappearing for eight years," she chuckles before adding in a chastising tone, "but if you ever do that again… I'll just be forced to track you down and have Mia help me kick your ass."

Cullen scoffs and smirks in return, "You know I love you as well, and I don't plan on going anywhere. Though, it would take more than you and my sister to take me down." His grin widens tauntingly as he drinks from his tankard.

"Oh really?" Brielle quirks a brow at him. He shrugs and leans back, lacing his fingers behind his head, still wearing that cocky smile. She eyes him obviously; eyes dragging over his abdomen, noting how his relaxed position leaves him vulnerable to attack as he lounges in his chair.

Her coy smile unnerves him as she leans forward, "You know… I could have you on the floor in seconds. And all I need are these!" She laughs wickedly while wiggling her fingers at him, reaching for his stomach.

Cullen immediately stiffens, bringing his arms down and around his torso to shield himself. "Brie… I swear on Holy Andraste herself, if you tickle me in front of everyone… I'll just have to kill you."

Brie stifles a giggle as she finishes off her drink. "Okay, okay… Commander." She sighs in defeat, her eyes still sparkling with mirth. "I won't embarrass you in front of your men."

"You know, I had been thinking it would be good for you to join us for some sparring. That is… if you wanted a chance to really take me down." He smiles smugly and quirks his brow, challenging her.

"You're on!" Her eyes brighten and she smiles excitedly, "I always wished you were there during my training, I used to love watching you spar. And now it'll be fair, instead of you just letting me beat you up."

He laughs heartily at that, "Brie, you were tiny! It was like being attacked by a small monkey!"

"Shush." She pouts at him, "Ima get you this time around."

"We shall see." He says, and then walks over to the bar to get them another round.

Brielle watches him walk away, noticing how the eyes of most of the ladies in the room also followed him. She laughs softly to herself; he probably has the attention of every unmarried woman in Haven. She can't blame them; he was an amazing man, smart, handsome and strong but also thoughtful and kind. She couldn't ask for a better advisor or friend, and whoever got to have more with him would be incredibly lucky indeed. Although she wishes for him to be happy, the thought of him being with someone stirs some uncomfortable feelings for her and she isn't quite sure where they are coming from. She tells herself it's just the fear of losing him again, of him not having time for her or setting her aside. Surely it can't be jealousy, she's never even considered being with him, their relationship just wasn't like that. Besides, she can't imagine anyone being good enough for him, especially herself.

He returns and they chat for a few moments about the memories of their shared past while drinking their ale before falling into bemused silence. The drinks have Brielle feeling warm and slightly fuzzy, lessening her inhibitions even as Cullen's close proximity makes her heart beat considerably faster than normal. Her eyes drag over his body almost involuntarily; she had trained with many handsome and fit men while with the Templars but she hadn't really paid much attention, but for some reason he has her transfixed. Maybe it's the way he moves; smooth and sure like a big cat, or how he levels his gaze at her during war meetings while he presents his reports. But it isn't as if the allure of him can somehow be summed up into a few actions or qualities. As her eyes move up to his hands resting on his thighs she thinks about the way he is always gripping the pommel of his sword during intense discussions, straining his belt and driving her to distraction. Her mind continues in a downward spiral as her attention moves up along his tapered waist and the broad expanse of his chest, she finds herself wishing she had tickled him after all –for the sole reason of touching him. Sweet Maker, she thinks, I like Cullen.

To her dismay, when she looks up into his eyes they were locked on hers; he has been watching her the whole time. Normally she would have instantly looked away in embarrassment, but the ale has left her feeling extra bold so instead she holds his gaze. His pupils are blown wide; making his eyes look like black pools rimmed with gold and now her heart is beating so hard she thinks it might burst through her chest. Unable to stop herself, she reaches out and touches his face, lightly tracing her fingertip over the scar crossing his lip.

"How'd you get this?" She asks softly, her voice coming out breathier than normal.

Cullen's breath hitches at her gentle touch and he stammers through his reply. "It… it uh... was nothing. Just a close call with a throwing blade." He swallows hard as she continues tracing his lips with her fingertips and smiles lazily.

Brielle bites her lip as she admires his, fighting the urge to close the distance between them and kiss him. He is breathing slow and raggedly now between slightly parted lips, his eyes boring into her in her moment of weakness. Her heavy lidded eyes flick up to his intense stare and, as if just realizing what she was doing, inhales sharply, pulling her hand back quickly as if she's been burned.

"Maker's breath," she says quietly, blushing at her own behavior. "I'm sorry, Cullen… I think I've had too much ale." Brielle laughs softly and looks down to try and hide her embarrassment.

"Please… don't be." Cullen tilts her chin up to look at him and he smiles gently at her, his eyes still dark and heated.

Brielle smiles back at him, a fluttery feeling stirring her belly. "I… I should get some rest. It's been a long few weeks." Before standing, she leans over and placed a tender wisp of a kiss on his cheek. She pulls away slowly, she makes herself, lest she fully give into temptation and kiss his beckoning lips. "I'll join you for training tomorrow morning if you'd like."

Cullen looks up at her and nods, "Yes… that's… sounds good, see you tomorrow." He sighs at his nervous stuttering and rubs at the back of his neck as she walks away. "Goodnight Brie."

"Sweet dreams, Cullen." She smiles to him as she walks out of the tavern and closes the door behind her, leaning against it and resting her hand over her heart in a futile attempt to slow its beating. Brielle never thought she would see Cullen again, let alone be working with him, and least of all falling in love with him. Shit, she was lucky enough to find the one person she has left in the world and how she just has to go and ruin it by having a crush on him.


	4. Chapter 4

When Brielle wakes the next morning she is feeling less confident about her training session with the soldiers than she had the previous night. Everyone had been making such a big deal about her that she was afraid of letting them down; she didn't want the men and women of the Inquisition to feel that she was unworthy or incapable. The first rays of sunlight are peeking out over the mountain tops as she leaves her room and heads to the practice fields outside the main gate. She joins the troops and begins lacing up her under padding; they are very welcoming to her and engage her in drowsy small talk as they prepare for the day's training. When Cullen approaches the soldiers line up in formation in preparation for him to begin running drills, he gives her a smile and a nod to show his appreciation of her coming and starts assigning groups different exercises.

Her group begins with practicing various strikes and maneuvers on dummies before they rotate to an obstacle course designed to increase endurance in rugged terrain and then finally they pair off and practice attacking and defending alternately. By the time they complete the circuit her shield arm is feeling weak and her breath is coming raggedly from continuous exertion and she is extremely grateful when Cullen tells them to take a break. The soldiers line up at a nearby tent and each takes water from one of the several buckets set out for them before taking a moment to sit down and catch their breath. As Brielle exits the tent with her small tin cup of water Cullen pulls her aside.

"You're doing great out there," He says with an encouraging smile, leading her back towards the practice area. "Several of the men have approached me to say how impressed they are with you."

Brielle blushes slightly but her eyes beam, "I'm so glad, I was worried I'd disappoint them."

"You have nothing to worry about," He gives her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "That is… besides being my sparring partner today." His mischievous grin makes her stomach tighten and she bites her lip anxiously. Sparring with him alone was one thing, but in front of half the army? That is daunting. Especially when she is so exhausted she can barely hold up her shield.

She gulps and nods, giving him a nervous smile. "I suppose that's what I get for teasing."

He laughs wryly and calls out for the rest of the soldiers to pair up and begin sparring. She is grateful that at least everyone else will be focused on their own opponent and not watching her get schooled by their Commander.

They each pick up a practice shield and blunted sword and move to face each other. Cullen raises his shield to signal his readiness and Brielle follows suit, putting up her defense and giving him a nod. They circle each other for a moment, sizing each other up and searching for weaknesses. Cullen is first to strike out and Brielle blocks his sword easily but is caught off guard when he follows with a quick bump of his shield against hers that sends her stumbling back a few steps. He smirks and she glares back at him, planting her feet firmly as he moves toward her again. This time when he strikes out she catches his blade with hers and bashes her shield against him with all her might. Disappointingly, he stands fast, catching her shield with the edge of his and sending it clattering to the ground. She winces at the wrenching of her shield from her already sore arm and grips the hilt of her sword with both hands, determined not to go down so easily. They continue for a while longer, striking and blocking against each other in a kind of brutal dance. Brielle is becoming extremely tired, she spends most of her time traveling from place to place and fighting for short amounts of time; she is not used to this continued abuse to her body.

Cullen appears winded as well and is becoming increasingly lazy in his defenses, perhaps thinking she wouldn't be able to break through his guard. Brielle has been paying a great deal of attention to his style of combat and is beginning to catch on to his patterns. She charged at him and then stopped short, confusing him and prompting his attack on her; raising his sword high in an attempt to knock her back with a heavy blow he leaves himself vulnerable at the flank. Brielle tucks her sword at her side and lunges into him, her shoulder connecting with his ribs and sending them both to the ground with her falling on top of him. She quickly moves to straddle him but before she can bring her blade up to his throat he flips them both over and blocks her sword with his own, holding the dull weapon against her neck gently. She pants harshly and looks up at him in shock, both at being flipped so suddenly and at the position they were currently in.

He had turned her flat on her back with one forearm pinning her to the ground and the other pressing his sword against her flesh; but due to her straddling him before being flipped he was now hovering over her, his knees pressing into the back of her legs and her thighs spread wide over his causing his hips to press into hers. She isn't sure what's more disorienting at this moment, her struggle to catch her breath or Cullen's groin ground against her own. It is overwhelming and confusing all at once; her heart hammering against her chest in anxiety all while she can feel heat pooling between her legs at the intense contact that is entirely new to her. She bucks her ups against him in an attempt to move him off of her but instead she just grinds herself into him further; she feels him hard and thick against her through the light padding she is wearing and it sends a spike of pleasure through her belly. It's too much.

"Yield!" She pants and he immediately pulls back, giving her room to breathe. She looks up at him as he drops his sword to the side and leans back. She can't help but stare at him for a moment; his chest heaving with each breath he takes, sweat glistening across his brow and through his golden curls, her legs still spread around his hips. When she looks up to his eyes she sees him looking down at her in the same manner and she wonders what he is thinking. His eyes catch hers and he blushes slightly, as if being caught doing something shameful. He stands and extends his hand to her, helping her up and pulling her into a one armed hug.

"You did well, Brie." He smiles down at her proudly.

"Pfft! You put me to shame!" She sighs, still trying to catch her breath after being thrown to the ground.

"You knocked me down! That's something the men have never seen." He laughs as he brushes the dirt off himself and leaves her to tell the rest of the troops they are finished for the day.

She rushes off to a nearby tent where there aren't any soldiers gathered and begins stripping off her padding. The cool breeze through her sweat soaked clothes feels wonderful against her heated skin as she dips her cup into a bucket of cool water and drinks greedily. She hears Cullen enter the tent behind her as she splashes some water onto her face and when she turns she is surprised to find that he had already removed his under padding and shirt.

Her breath catches at the sight of him, chiseled muscles dotted with tiny beads of sweat that slowly trickled down his tanned skin. His chest and abdomen are dusted with fine blonde hair which grew darker as they trailed down his stomach and down past the waistband of his trousers and she can't help her eyes following along the cut lines of his hips that delve into his pants. The feeling in her belly intensifies, growing into a dull ache at her core as she gapes at him. Maker's breath, he is the most gorgeous man she'd ever seen. He only makes it worse when he dips his own cup into the bucket and pours it over himself to cool off; he runs his fingers through his wet curls and sighs in relief. Brielle continues to stare until her eyes catch his.

"Are you okay?" He's looking at her questioningly with a quirked brow, as if both concerned and amused. Brie immediately looks down and away, trying to hide her flush of embarrassment at being caught wide eyed and slack jawed ogling him.

"Ahuh!" She squeaks. "Good… I'm good. I just eh… need to wash off." Frustrated with herself at her nervous stuttering she quickly gathers her padding and flees the tent to preserve what dignity she has left before she starts drooling over him or finds some other way to further humiliate herself. She leaves Cullen in the tent alone, confused about what he'd done to make her so uncomfortable.

Brielle rushes to her room and starts a bath. As she undresses she pictures Cullen; shirtless and sweaty, tanned skin taught over defined muscle, the way he moves- like a predator on the hunt. He is the perfect example of masculinity and in different circumstances, or if he were someone else, she would thank the Maker for these feelings. But, as it is, her feelings are only causing her stress, and a stomach ache. She slides into the warm water as she contemplates what she should do and begins scrubbing herself free of sweat and dirt. Most likely, she thinks, he doesn't feel the same about her. Cullen is a good deal older than her and is very well respected and admired, he surely has many women vying for his attention, older and more experienced women. Brielle, on the other hand, had been raised in the Chantry and had never so much as held hands or been kissed by a boy. Unless she counts the few times she had run to Cullen in tears after being punished and received a comforting hug and kiss on her forehead. But no, those definitely don't count; and if he did that to her now she'd probably just burst into tears anyhow, considering she doesn't want him to see her as that little girl anymore. Now she wants him to see her as a woman.

With an exasperated sigh she gets out of the tub and dries herself off. She pulls on some clean clothes and heads over to the tavern to find Sera. The two of them have become close in the few weeks that Sera has been at Haven and Brielle now heavily relies on her as a friend and confidant. If she can't keep her mind off Cullen, perhaps at least Sera can help her work through her confusion. As she expected, she finds Sera tucked into a corner in the tavern already half drunk and engaging in light banter with the waitress bringing her a frosty mug of ale. Feeling relieved she sits across from her friend and they begin to hash out Brielle's fears regarding Cullen.

Alas, after nearly an hour of explaining herself to the pretty elf she gains no sympathy and is instead left with a morsel of wisdom that is typical Sera.

"Oh hush up now, Teetness!" She waves off Brielle in exasperation at her rambling over this obsession with Cullen. "Listen you, it's obvious he loves you and by the looks I've seen him givin' ya it ain't like a sister." Sera waggles her eyebrows at Brielle at the comment, "And you clearly love your Cully Wully. So, the solution's simple, innit? Just jump 'im and get it over with yeah?"

"Thanks, Sera. Helpful as always!" Brielle replies sarcastically but with a grateful smile, wishing it really is as easy as Sera makes it sound. As if she wouldn't be ruining the only relationship that remains from her past if he doesn't feel the same. These feelings she can handle, him pushing her away she can't. She resigns herself not to actively pursue seeing Cullen in the coming days as she needs to think things over, though she doesn't have much time anyway since in two days she'll be leaving to meet with the Templars. 


	5. Chapter 5

Brielle is disappointed that Sera doesn't want to accompany her on the trip to aid the Templars with sealing the breach; she'd made up a clever excuse but knowing her, she just didn't want to get near the giant rift. It was understandable, Brie doesn't either. She is disturbed by the glowing mark on her hand, what was it connected to that it should grant her such power? Nothing good, she thinks. She also isn't sure what it would be able to do; what if she can't close the breach? What if it kills her? Terrible thoughts plague her mind as she looks for Cullen to say goodbye. Though she always seeks him out before leaving Haven this time she is afraid to let go of him, she's afraid she might not come back. She is grateful that he always indulges her need for his affection and when she clings to him he only hugs her closer. When she pulls back from their embrace he catches the look of anxiety in her eyes and sighs.

"Brie… you're going to be fine." He says to her slow and steady in an attempt at reassurance.

"I'm scared, Cullen. What if I can't do it?" His recognition of her fear seems only to amplify it just as a sympathetic look can make you cry when you're on the verge.

"Shhh… you stop that. You're not alone, Brie. You've got Varric, Solas and Cassandra with you as well as the bulk of the Templars at your side. Nobody could expect anyone to shoulder this on their own, let alone such a young girl."

He is looking down at her gently, trying to comfort her, but her heart sinks at his words 'a young girl'. She looks up at him in disdain. "I'm a woman, Cullen. I'm not the little girl you le…" She cuts herself off before she says something she'll regret, but she sees it's too late when he looks down and turns away from her. She knows he didn't really leave her behind; he doesn't deserve to feel guilty for that.

"I… I didn't… mean that. I'm sorry, Cullen." She sighs and reaches up to his face, turning his eyes back to hers. "It's just… so frustrating. Most people see me as the Herald, some kind of divine tool to stop impending doom or they see a false prophet, but you… to you I'm a twelve year old girl."

Cullen closes his eyes and lets out a frustrated breath through his nostrils before looking back into her eyes seriously. "I don't see you as a little girl, but I don't quite know how to be with you now, either. We've been apart for so long, and we've both changed so much that it's hard to reconcile." He gives her a small smile, "Brie when I think of you as a girl I think of myself back then, as the boy you remember; but now I'm a man and relating to you as a woman… well, it's going to take some time getting used to."

Brie looks down at her feet and smiles sheepishly, feeling foolish. "I'm sorry, I just feel like…"

"Like nobody knows who you really are?" He interrupts.

She laughs softly and looks back up to him, nodding. He wraps his arm around her shoulder and starts walking with her out to meet with her traveling party, "It's hard enough not to lose sight of yourself swept up in all this, let alone trying to please others or control how they see you." His hand on her shoulder squeezes as if to punctuate his point. "Don't worry about anyone else, you know what needs to be done and you're the only one who can do it."

She gives him one last hug before joining Solas and Cassandra who were waiting by the gate, Varric arrives shortly after and they headed off. When they arrive at the breach she tries to keep herself calm but finds herself wishing that she had asked Cullen to accompany her. Her small party approaches the huge breach, the Templars behind them in support, and she feels like she is going to vomit. Cassandra's warning that they didn't know what to expect sends a spike of sheer panic through her and she instinctively grips onto Solas' arm as she makes her way closer. While they aren't particularly close, Solas is a good friend and companion and when he give her a gentle smile and squeezes her hand in his own she feels as if everything would be alright. Reluctantly she releases him as he calls to the Templars to use their focus to aid her and she steels herself for whatever was to come.

Stepping forward she extends her hand toward the rift, allowing her will and that of the Templars to flow through the mark on her hand. The sky lights up in a blaze of green as the power of her mark seemingly challenges that of the rift. She hears yells from the Templars behind her as they expend all they have into helping her and after a moment that feels like eternity there is an explosive crack as the rift closes and a shockwave sends them hurdling into the ground. One second she is blinded by the fluorescent green sky and the next she finds herself being helped up from the dirt by Solas and Cassandra who are worriedly searching her for injury. Meanwhile, Brie wants to jump about in excitement at actually sealing the breach and surviving!

When they return to Haven a celebration is in the making and she is excited to indulge in an evening of fun and relaxation with her comrades. However, that is not what is in store for them. Within hours of their return Haven is under attack, taking them off guard during their party and sending the civilians of the small town running to their homes to gather whatever they could before fleeing. Cullen is waiting for her at the gate when she finds him and he give her a rundown of the plan for defending Haven, sending her to secure the trebuchets. Her companions are quick to join and they dispatch the first few groups of darkspawn without any trouble, but when the bulk of the army draws close they all fall back to the Chantry for safety. After consulting with her advisors quickly they decide the only option is to provide a distraction and flee.

Brielle moves to exit the Chantry but is caught by Cullen's hand grasping her own. "Be careful, Brie. I'll come back for you!" He calls to her before being pulled away by the throng of frightened citizens he is helping evacuate. Brielle knows it is hard for Cullen to leave her so he can lead the rest of them to safety, but seeing the worried look on his face as they fled cuts deeply into her. Tears sting at her eyes as she races past the fleeing civilians to reach the trebuchet, the intensity of the situation not leaving any energy for fear but only to pray she would live through this. Brielle clears the trebuchet of enemies and awaits the signal from Cullen that they made it to safety. Once she knows they are in the clear, she launches the trebuchet's boulder into the mountains, effectively burying Haven in the resulting Avalanche.

Once the battle with Corypheus is over she trudges through caves and snow for what feels like days, following what tracks are left from her party's escape. She is sure she will never make it to wherever they are; her limbs are frozen through, her teeth are sore from chattering and she's sustained an injury to her side but can't bring herself to remove any clothing in the icy wind to check the severity of it. She stops to look around and sees only the remnants of a small fire, the cave that she had exited from is now out of sight and all she can make out before her is the vicious flurry of snow against the black night. Now, feeling more helpless than she ever has before, she finally lets herself break down. She weeps for those lost in Haven but mostly, for herself; angry hot tears stream down snow crusted cheeks as she thinks of all she will never have. She will surely die out here alone, never having been loved or even kissed, she will never have a family or a full life; and worst of all, she will never see him again. Her heart breaks at that and she falls to her knees, her breath now coming in ragged gasps as she weeps, face buried in her hands, surrendering to her despair.

Then… she hears something. His voice -distant- almost like a dream, then moments later closer, followed by the crunching of heavy boots in show. Looking up from her tear soaked gloves she sees Cullen and his men coming up the hill. They look like angels, lit by the warm light of the torches they carry as they run towards her and for a moment she isn't sure they were real. They are, and before she can properly thank the Maker and Holy Andraste for sending her rescue she is being lifted into Cullen's arms. Brielle clings onto him tightly as he wraps his cloak around her and she buries her face in the fur covering his pauldrons, letting her tired body be cradled against his as he carries her to their makeshift camp.

He lays her down on a cot in a tent close to the fire and covers her weak, shuddering body with furs. She reaches out, taking his hand and he kneels beside her. His warm amber eyes are red and glossy, tears clinging to his dark blonde lashes, his golden curls wet with melted snow and tousled messily.

"Please," she whispers. "Please don't go."

He gives her a weak smile in return and reaches up to brush away the wet hair slicked against her face before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. Her eyes close at the feel of his lips on her, they feel like a flame caressing her chilled skin and she gently squeezes his hand as he stands. "I'll never leave you behind again, Brielle. Ever." He says softly, his expression pained.

"I must let the healers tend to you; I'll be just outside the tent." He gives her hand a small squeeze in reassurance and then ushers in the healer before leaving. She allows the older woman to strip her then wash and bandage her wounds. Once she is done Brielle redresses and lays back into the bed they made for her while Solas casts a healing aura around her. She takes comfort in the shadow Cullen casts against the flap of the tent where he waits outside as she slowly drifts off to sleep, her last thoughts being thankful prayers that he had come for her and that he would never leave her again.


	6. Chapter 6

Over the next few weeks they hike through the mountains until they reach Skyhold. Brielle never imagined such a place could be possible, it is as if it had been left there just for them to discover. She can't figure out how Solas knew exactly where to find it, he was always cryptic when speaking of the memories he was able to delve into and the spirits he communicated with. Though that really didn't matter, what did matter is that they now have someplace safe and a new beginning. Brie has been making more of an effort to spend time with the soldiers and her companions since they reached Skyhold, they had all nearly died in the attack on Haven and she sees it as a wakeup call. Everything can end at any moment; she wants to live to the fullest while she can so in the spirit of living it up she invites all her companions and advisors to have drinks at the Herald's rest.

Brie is feeling somewhat festive so she decides to forgo her usual tunic and leggings and chooses to wear a simple but pretty silk dress in a deep emerald shade that complements her pale skin and dark features. Instead of pulling her hair back into the braid she usually wears she opts to leave it down, she applies some liner to bring out her eyes and glosses her lips with a cinnamon honey balm Leliana had made for her. She looks herself over in the mirror as she puts on the silk slippers that best matched her dress; she wants to feel extra pretty tonight and there is no denying it was because Cullen would be there. Satisfied with what she sees she heads over to meet with her friends.

When she arrives almost everyone is already sitting at a large table together having drinks and engaged in conversation. As she approaches the table she is greeted by her friend's baffled expressions when they see her; they look shocked, wide eyed and mouths gaping as if they don't recognize her. Brielle rolls her eyes but smiles to herself; she must have done a good job indeed.

"Wow, kid. You clean up real nice!" Varric quips with a grin as he pulls out a chair for her between himself and Cullen. She smiles down to him and he gives her a wink, he must have noticed the effect Cullen has on her and figured her out all too easily.

"Oh geez... it's not as if you guys didn't know I was a girl." She laughs and takes her seat. Looking over at Cullen she sees that he was still staring at her, though his expression is darker than that of the others, almost predatory.

Before she can get another word out Iron Bull sets a large tankard of cider in front of her, knowing she prefers it to ale. "Yeah Boss, we know you're a girl, we just didn't know you were such a hot one!" He laughs heartily and pats her on the back probably a little more roughly than he had intended. "You've been holding out on us!"

Brie blushes profusely and hides her face in her mug as she quickly drinks nearly half of the sweet cider it contained; she is going to need a few drinks if she is going to survive their teasing tonight, especially since it appears she has interrupted a game of 'Never Have I Ever'. Fantastic.

Of course, she joins in, each of them sharing scandalous stories that arose from the sneaky sips to the occasional emptying of entire tankards of ale in response to whatever devious or risqué act the current turn's subject brings up. It doesn't take long for her to feel somewhat left out, as she hasn't had nearly as many experiences as the rest of her team has; which, consequently, leaves her more sober than the lot of them as well. She does enjoy getting a chance to learn more about each of her companions in this relaxed atmosphere, without her pestering with questions, in fact she learns much more this way. In the first round alone she learns that Solas is much more sensual than she has assumed and had apparently taken many lovers during his travels whereas Varric has been involved with the same woman for years whom he hasn't seen in nearly a decade. Sera has a penchant for peaches while Iron Bull likes just about everything and everyone. Leliana admits to having used her spies on occasion to vet out potential partners while Josephine has once taken negotiations into the bedroom.

She is disappointed that Cullen doesn't reveal much, though the conversation seemed to have been focused on sexuality and she probably doesn't want to hear much about him and other women. Being as inexperienced as she is, she can't contribute much to the conversation either and is glad that the fact seemed to go unnoticed until Dorian unintentionally calls her out.

"Never have I ever... taken a lover." Brielle blushes slightly as everyone except her takes a drink and all eyes land on her.

"Wha…" Sera began, "You mean… you never? Like… ever?" Her friend's disbelieving expression would be hilarious if she wasn't so embarrassed.

"No." Brielle admits shyly, barely catching Cullen's attempt to hide a smile out of the corner of her eye. She huffs and nudges into him with her shoulder. "Shut up Cullen."

"Damn Boss!" Bull grins wide and wiggles his eyebrows at her, "And I thought you couldn't get any hotter tonight." She can't help but smile to herself when his comment earns him a stern look from Cullen, who apparently is in protective mode.

Varric catches her eyes and she recognizes the look he has, he is up to something. It is his turn and he leans back and grins at her. "Never have I ever… kissed a man."

Brielle groans as everyone watches, waiting for her to take a drink. Instead, she flushes completely and glares at Varric across the table but he only smiles at her in return, the rest of the table seemingly shocked into silence.

"Well… this is just a travesty!" Dorian exclaims, clearly quite intoxicated. "If no one kisses this girl before this round is over I'll be forced to oblige her."

Sera scoffs at him and leans over the table saucily towards Brielle, "If anyone's kissin 'er Ima do it!"

At that Cullen wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her close as if to shield her from the offers of kisses. "Hey hey… that's enough; I'm not having any of you turn our dear Inquisitor into a pervert like the rest of you." He chuckles and stands, extending his hand to Brielle. "Have you had your fill of this nonsense?"

"I believe I have." She smiles and takes his hand, letting him guide her towards the door as the rest of her companions giggle and whisper to each other over the table.

Outside the night air has grown considerably colder than when she had left and when she shivers Cullen chivalrously drapes his cloak over her bare shoulders as he walks her back to her room. They walk in silence; he seems to be thinking about something far off while all she can think of was his arm around her, stroking up over her arm and shoulder and holding her close to him to keep her warm. Being close to him is always exhilarating for her lately, but this feels different; he'd been acting territorial, guarding her from others advances. The implications of such behavior aren't lost on her and she revels in the fluttering in her stomach at the thought of him claiming her, even in such a small way.

As they reach her door she moves to face him and begins to remove his cloak when she feels his arm slip around her waist. She looks up at him shyly, not knowing what he is doing, and when their eyes meet she nearly melts in his arms. His gaze burns into her, his eyes like golden embers drinking her in hungrily. He pulls her against him and reaches up to cup her cheek, never breaking eye contact with her. Cullen drags the pad of his thumb softly across her lips and hesitates a brief moment before leaning down and brushing his lips across hers. Brielle's eyes close as he makes contact and she lets out a soft moan. Encouraged by her reaction he presses his lips against hers fully and lets out a groan of his own when she presses herself against him further and parts her lips slightly in assent to his kiss.

Cullen doesn't need any more of an invitation, he gently tilts her head back and kisses her more deeply, letting his tongue slide past her lips and flick out at hers. Brielle can't believe what is happening. Cullen is kissing her, tasting her, exploring her mouth tentatively and it is better than she's ever imagined it could be. Her body molds against his as she stands on her toes to better reach him, pressing her lips urgently into his and letting her tongue slide against his in a sensual dance. She feels like her head is spinning and she never wants this to end. When they pull back from one another they are both breathless, their lips red and swollen from their passionate embrace. His eyes still seem to burn as he strokes her cheek and presses one last soft kiss to her lips.

"I couldn't let it be anyone else." He says softly, his voice husky and low as he takes a step back and releases her from his grasp.

She can hardly think she is so overwhelmed at the moment, instantly missing his touch when he pulls away; all she can manage is a breathless, "Thank you."

He smiles warmly to her before turning and heading out towards his room, glancing back as he leaves to see her still standing in her doorway, fingertips lightly tracing over her lips where his had just been.


End file.
